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It’s okay.

The world is on fire.’

Yeah, but it’s okay.

There’s blood on your hands. Someone is dead. Do you even know who?

"It’s okay," he says out loud, not looking at his hands. Someone turns to him, touching his shoulder in a grip meant to hold things together, and Tony imagines that hand slipping through his body like he was nothing. Like sand through your fingers, hot, desert sand that feels like pins against your skin and it burns and burns… god, everything burns.

The world is on fire.

"It’s okay," he says again, and this time he looks at his bloodied hands. His suit is… gone, broken, ruined, and he can’t bring himself to care, for once. Because there’s blood on his hands, and someone is dead, and he doesn’t even know who.

One, two, three… No, where is Clint? There he is, four. Five is in the sky, looking and looking for something, Tony can’t remember what.

Or who.

Who is dead, Tony. Who?

But we’re all here, the team is here and we’re okay.

One, two, three, four, five in the sky. Six is him, without a suit. Is he still a member without his armor, or does he become static once it’s gone? Is he just sand falling through the cracks?

He’s faced off enemies without it before, far too many times and with too many consequences. Pains that lasted months, nightmares that lasted years. That time the window glass fell with him, and he wonders for the first time in two years if anyone was hurt by it. Glass from that height would be traveling at least 237 feet per second, or 153 miles per hour. What was it, about 27,000 feet? Tony tries to remember what the wind speed was that day, to factor it in, and stops, because it doesn’t matter, because he has blood on his hands and someone is dead.

Thor lands, his face pinched in an expression Tony has never seen before. A grief so deep, even his body seems fragile and sunken.

"Did you find what you were looking for?" comes out of his mouth before any mental filters kick in to remind him not to ask.

But why?

"Tony…" Steve says, his voice a mix of pity and warning. Tony really wishes that hand would just slip right through him and stop trying to hold him together already.

"No," Thor answers, and there is nothing like thunder in his voice. "Just blood and… this.”

Something in the back of Tony’s mind tells him not to look, you don’t want to see it, if you do you’ll know, you’ll know who it is- and oh god it’s his helmet.




Tony leans away from the hand on his shoulder and retches. Hot tar is burning his hands as hunches over and pukes up everything he’s eaten. What has he eaten? Breakfast, that was hours ago. Might as well have been years, because it was pancakes with Loki and Loki was…

Nothing left but dry heaving now, and how his body heaves. It wants to expel everything from him, and memory that pools on the tar tastes like bile, rather than sweet, syrupy kisses.

The hand is gone, and Tony feels alone, like he isn’t surrounded by one, two, three, four, and five. He is alone, because he has blood on his hands and someone is dead.




People are dying.

I can’t save them. I don’t have my armor anymore, he’s dead.

The hand is back again, with that grip meant to hold him together. Only, he’s thrown up everything, so there’s nothing left to hold. Just sand through fingers, and the tar is burning his hands. Everything burns.

The world is on fire.’

It’s okay.

It’s okay.

It’s not okay.


Brothers - Jabberwockies - Loki/Tony - 257,972 words - Series (Not completed) - Angsty beautiful College AU that explores Loki and Thor’s brotherly relationship (not slash) in addition to Loki and Tony’s romantic one

Summery: A tongue-in-cheek, metafictional account of the clusterfuck that is Loki’s life as a sophomore at Elysian University, a semi-prestigious college with the most ridiculously jumbled student body you’ve ever seen. He deals with the Four Dwarves, a budding romance with his best friend-slash-absolute psycho, a horrendous psychology professor, bipolar disorder, and more on a daily basis. Oh, and he let his brother Thor move in with him. Worst decision he’s ever made.



“These people are innocent. Taking their lives will gain  you nothing, so take mine… And end this.”

Okay, so. Here’s the thing.

This entire scene bothers me. Like, really bothers me.

Who is Loki trying to kill? Thor. Some mortals keep getting in the way, whatever. Then Thor’s friends appear — the ones who, let’s remember, are committing treason just by being here — and hey, may as well do something about them too.

But they guy we’ve really got a hate-on for? Thor.

And, lo. There he is, making his “so take mine” speech. Well, okay. Just humour me for a second. Let’s imagine this scene from the other way around. Let’s imagine Thor is the Designated Villain of this film. He’s been banished for attempted genocide and is generally considered dangerous and unstable. We’ve got to kill the guy. Maybe we don’t really want to, but… well. Gotta make the tough decisions, as king.

But first we gotta fight through Thor’s army of mortals, then his Quirky Miniboss squad. Pain in the ass. We just want to kill the Big Bad and get this level over with. Whatever.

Suddenly, he’s there. All-but begging to be killed. This is like trying to rob a bank — to mix our analogies a bit — and having to fight our way through security, only to have the bank manager walk out at the last minute with a huge sack of cash and begging us to just take it and go and stop killing his guards. As if that wasn’t what we were trying to do the whole time.

Well, whatever. Never look a gift-horse in the mouth and all that. (Ehehehehehe…)

Boom. Dead Thor.

Except, lo! Here comes the deus ex fratricide. Because apparently Thor’s “sacrifice” is “heroic” enough for him to be deemed “worthy” of Mjolnir once more.

Except, wait a second. Who is Thor sacrificing himself for again, exactly?

His friends? Who are already, a) committing treason (did I mention that already? I think I should’ve), and b) wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place if it weren’t for Thor.

The mortals? Who — wait for it, wait for it — wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place if it weren’t for Thor. Like, just get out of the way, puny ant-like mortals. We’re trying to walk here!

We’re here to kill Thor. Who “nobly” sacrificed his life to stop us… killing… Thor…


So, basically, the only deed that makes one “worthy” of wielding Mjolnir is saving Thor’s life. Or possibly being Thor in the first place.


Talk about playing against a stacked fucking deck.

(Or, yanno. Just flat-out shitty writing.)

So ‘s long as I’ve been meta-ing lately, Imma talk about how Mjolnir works.

In theory, Thor can only lift it if he’s “worthy”. So if he’s a bad boy then he can’t lift it for a while, until he’s good again and then he can.

I understand that in the comics, it apparently really does work as a moral barometer - sometimes. The evidence for this is that a small number of very virtuous people (Captain America is one) are also able to lift it.

Occasionally in emergencies, Odin will temporarily allow someone else to lift it so they can save everyone and then when the emergency is dealt with they can’t again. Superman and Wonder Woman both got to wield it briefly in the Marvel Vs. DC series.

A couple of pages later, suddenly Superman couldn’t lift it anymore, because everybody was rescued and there was no more need.

EDIT: here’s a scan of that page.


Got that? Superman is not, normally, worthy. Superman.

Right. Moving on.

This panel is from “Fear Itself: Book One”. Odin is going insane. He and Thor are arguing because Thor wants to keep defending Earth and Odin doesn’t want him to.


Got that? Odin is losing his mind and still controls Mjolnir’s liftability. Mjolnir doesn’t go thunk because Thor did something bad - he didn’t, he was insisting on defending Earth - but because Odin told it to.

Then there’s Marvel Adventures: Super Heroes Vol 2 #19. This incident is so outrageous that I used it in one of my fics to illustrate Odin’s A+ Parenting. Odin figures Thor needs a swat upside the head, so he takes Mjolnir away from him and gives it to Loki for the day. Loki does various heroic things with it - I think the idea was supposed to be that he wasn’t as good as hero-ing as Thor is, even though he rescued people and defeated baddies and whatnot. Then Odin hauls his boys back to Asgard and apparently they’re Highlanders now:


So yeah, Odin was doing the same thing here with the hammer that he did with the throne in the movie: pretending that there was a contest between the sons about which one would get it in order to manipulate Thor, not giving a shit about how deeply he hurt his adopted son by dangling things in front of him he had no intention of ever giving him, no matter what he did.


This, btw, is the only thing Loki does actually wrong in the entire story. (It is arguable he wasn’t as good at hero-ing as Thor in this issue, but he still did a good enough job.) He lets this incident make Thor his enemy, when it isn’t Thor’s fault at all, much as he does in the movie. Not good, but understandable; nature viciously inflicted a hunger for parental love on all of us, but siblings are more expendable. Y’all may have noticed that I’m a wee bit irked that the people who (get paid to) write about these characters seem to believe that wanting your parents to love you is evil. (I guess because if they don’t, clearly you are evil by nature and just haven’t gotten around to embarking on your career of mass murder yet. But your parents instinctively know that’s your destiny and that’s why they don’t love you. Yeah, fuck you, writers.)

Odin’s last remark there - “Loki understands if he were truly worthy, no one - not even the All-Father - could have kept him from hoisting this hammer on his own.”

Where to begin?

What makes you imagine Loki understands this, asshole? His reaction - storming out declaring sworn enmity - doesn’t seem consistent with this assertion of yours.

If the truly worthy can hoist the damn thing whether or not you let them, you wouldn’t have been able to take it away from Thor.

In this story we know from remarks others have made that this Loki has done bad things in the past, but Odin spins this hammer-lifter-for-a-day thing as his chance to prove himself reformed etc. Which would be great except that it isn’t. Loki does what he’s told, he does hero shit like a good boy even if he isn’t as good at it as Thor, but gets no credit at all for this and isn’t given the rewards he was promised.

And now let’s take Odin’s statement as a whole. Do shitty parents all take the same course somewhere in how to gaslight their offspring? Because I have heard exactly the same crap from so many parents in so many situations, and it’s always the same basic thing: the parents refusing to accept responsibility for their sadistic or manipulative behavior. I mean, do they have discussion groups where they instruct each other? “If your kids point out that you’re being an asshole, just tell them that it’s their fault because they’re so rotten. If you’re lucky, they’ll keep buying it until they’re in their 30’s.”

Sometimes when I come across random people hating on us Loki fans and Loki defenders, I have to wonder if they themselves are abusive parents and that’s the angle from which they’re seeing the story. Like, they figure they should be able to torture their kids all they want without then having to deal with the behavior problems that inevitably result, because hey, it’s the kid’s responsibility to remain virtuous even when his psyche’s been warped from infancy and his life made hell!

OK, I’m going to take a few deep breaths here and then talk about movie!Mjolnir.

Movie!Mjolnir does not give a shit about worthiness. If it did, if it had been enchanted to be a moral barometer, it would have dropped in the middle of Thor’s battle on Jotunheim. Or given Thor’s hostile intentions, maybe as soon as Thor got there, or as soon as he started exhorting his friends to go there. But it doesn’t. It drops and becomes unliftable when Odin tells it to.

Thor is able to lift it again not when he does anything worthy - as deefic points out above, he really didn’t. She also has Loki point this out in her fic Bag of Cats: “My brother refused to cower behind a few friends in the face of my wrath. You, Mr. Stark, I believe flew a nuclear bomb into deep space to save a million strangers from the same. If you were to grasp Mjolnir’s shaft… what do you think would happen? Do you think yourself worthy?”

Thor’s able to lift it when he needs it. The Destroyer apparently actually kills him. Odin is still asleep but is evidently conscious of this because he sheds a tear. And that’s when Mjolnir comes rocketing toward Thor, almost smashing Jane in the process, and Thor comes back to life and gets his armor and his superpowers back, destroys the Destroyer, and everyone lives happily ever after (except Loki).

From here it looks like even in a coma, Odin can still magic the fucking hammer to be liftable or not liftable.

There’s a scene in Avengers, after Thor has fallen out of the helicarrier, when he starts to reach for Mjolnir and then hesitates. Some people have read this as his being briefly unworthy. Others, including myself, read it as his hesitating to call his hammer because he knows that once he does, he’ll have to fight his little brother, maybe even kill him. He takes a minute to face that, and then calls the hammer.

So I think the whole “if he be worthy” thing is just more manipulative bullshit on Odin’s part. It’s enchanted to be liftable only by Thor (and Odin) so that others will not be able to take Thor’s weapon from him or use it against him. Loki’s not being able to lift it has nothing to do with him being evil, or any of the bad things he does in the movie - he wasn’t able to lift it before the movies, we’re given to understand, when the worst thing he’d ever done was turn Sif into a brunette.

Loki can’t lift it because he isn’t Thor. That’s all there ever was to it.

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